It was a bright day, the day I was born. Middle of the Swedish summer heat, middle of the day, middle of the year.
That flowed through my whole life, I’ve been in the middle of everything. For every down, there’s always been an up to balance things out.
As coder’s would say, for each bug, there’s a feature waiting.
I find amazement in the small things in life, a cup of coffee not brewed to perfection, a pebble in my shoe, a broken pixel on the screen… It’s all things that gives life flavour and I believe we cannot be without those things.
I have a certain disorder called Horton’s Headaches, or Cluster Headaches. It hurts all the time, every second of the day and at times I can get “attacks” that are so painful I can’t do nothing but lie down and scream. I’ve gotten used to it, have had it since I was 12. It does affect my everyday life though, I’ve gotten bitter, easy to anger, resentful. It is hard to concentrate and to remember things and at times, my brain just makes up memories for me.
When that happens, the confusion created often makes me angry at others. They remember what really happened, I remember something else and we won’t meet in the middle, because they are saying I remember wrong. I was there, I should remember what I did and what happened, and I do… but it’s wrong… so I get angry, scream and fuzz.
But I am also easily amused. The small things in life makes me giggle. I can sit for hours staring at cat pictures and videos of dogs on skateboards. People look at me funny, because I get this stupid smile on my face whenever I hear a child giggle on the bus. If I’m around children that are happy, I get happy too. If I see a dog wag its tail, I get happy and might even start giggling.
Balance is key, that is what I think. That is why I have this blog. I write things, both good and bad, both personal and nonpersonal, both objective and subjective. I try to keep everything factual, but I also believe that the reader should have some critical thinking and source criticism. That does not excuse if I ever write something that is factually wrong, so even though I might get angry about it, I do encourage all readers to comment on the articles if they find any errors.
All of these things comes together to one thing, the thing that I think defines me. Inwards, I’m resentful, hurting, bitter, angry, but outwards I try to be happy and spread happiness to others. I am a clown, and I embrace that!